Forgetting you

Winter is the season where I look at the sky
And instead of the ground and leaves
I close my emails
And mail letters to faraway countries
Writing about the spring and summer
I open and read books I don’t plan on completing
Organizing my shelves for picture frames
Carefully winding the old watches each night
Completing a daily entry in my calendar
Drinking my morning tea
I’m preparing for a new year without you
Decades later I wonder if I’m successful

My Cat

It’s been 5 years later but I still write “I miss my cat”

It would be the 500th entry and I would end the same paragraph

“I miss my cat”

I had been separated from my cat when I moved to the city

I had no money and no space for pets

I often laid down and wondered what the meaning of life was

If I couldn’t take care of a small cat

Time passes slowly

Another day I write “I miss my cat”

I’m nowhere closer to having a pet due to limited resources

I often wonder if I made much progress in my life

I have dreams of hundreds of cats running towards me

I spend my mornings looking at hundreds of cat photos

I begin to start my entries “I miss my cat”

It’s been five years

You can never go home again

When people ask about my life

I find ways to explain the weather, my classwork, and

the meaning of the cloud at that angle

The variety of books I read when I feel tired on Monday

My favorite kinds of tea and biscuits

How much progress I’ve fallen behind in my classes

The number of fountain pens and inks I’ve collected over a decade

Anything, anything about the shades of blue in the sky

That I haven’t spoken to my brother for several months

That it’s been over a decade since I’ve spoken to a real-life friend

That I’ve been missing calls from my mother for the last few weeks

That I don’t remember my childhood apart from a few moments where I’m not even sure if was a dream or not

That when I visited my childhood home, I felt the uncertain feeling that I will never be able to return

How the process of becoming an adult is often the same process of losing myself

Tired

Lately I feel tired

Tired when I wake up at the usual time 7AM

Tired when I login to my remote learning classes

 Tired when picked my medications over the phone

Tired when I write to my friends

Tired when I add another deadline to my calendar

Tired when I drink tea and read books

Lately I feel tired, tired, and tired